I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
