I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
