Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
40s are totally the cure
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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