I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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