PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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