I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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