eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
