I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
My feet surprised me
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
