I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
