I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Randomize
