why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
