Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
