I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
