she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
