But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
