stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
