she was so not down for the gang bang
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
