You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
