Is it normal to miss your booty call?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
