the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
