Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Don't tell me you're on acid again
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
