Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
