So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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