I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
