Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
