she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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