I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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