just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
