Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
