your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Don't EVER smell your tampon
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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