The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
