What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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