dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I have grass duct taped all over my body
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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