so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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