Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
