It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
