Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
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