HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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