Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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