He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Be still, my beating vagina.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
