Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
