Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
