You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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