the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Randomize
