you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Randomize
