Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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