I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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