Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
