I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Randomize
