I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
