Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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