I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
This show inspires me to have sex in space
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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