I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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