just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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