I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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