I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
